Won't You Let Me Know
by vintage88
Summary: Sam had always convinced herself that what she did with Freddie had just been an experiment for her own amusement. So what happens when she starts to feel something that can only be ignored for so long...
1. Chapter 1

The countertop in Carly's kitchen was, as always, a complete and utter mess. With the help of Sam and Freddie, the three of them shuffled through scrap pieces of paper, glue stick, jelly beans, plates of food, bottle caps, socks and a bowl of cherries. Sam had picked up the large bowl to look under it, but when she saw that nothing was there, she let out a sigh and collapsed onto a chair behind her.

"Well I give up," she declared, picking up a cherry and plucking it off of its stem.

Carly glanced at Sam with an arched eyebrow. "Come on Sam, we just started. I know it's got to be here somewhere."

"Uh, correction," Sam said matter-of-factly, "we did not just start anything. We've been searching all over your house for some piece of paper all afternoon. I say that thing is long gone."

"But it can't just be gone!" Carly threw her hands up into the air, "I spent all night writing ideas on it for iCarly. I'm usually not this disorganized."

"You aren't disorganized," Freddie piped up, "but your house is. Are you sure you can't remember what you wrote on it?"

"If she did, do you think she would be making us look for it?" Sam scowled at him, but Freddie just shrugged.

Carly sighed, a sign that she was giving up. Rather sadly, she sat down on a chair next to Sam, grabbing a cherry herself to eat. "Sorry this afternoon has gone to waste guys," she said apologetically. "I can make it up to you by making some fruit smoothies."

Sam's eyes grew wide as she exclaimed, "I love smoothies!"

"I can even add a shot of vodka if you'd like?"

Carly winked and laughed, turning to Freddie. Scratching his head, he responded, "I should probably go. My mom's going to have dinner ready for me soon." Carly and Sam just eyed each other with funny smirks. Recently, Freddie had said his mom had been making him early dinners, sometimes as early as 4:30 in the afternoon. After dinner, he wasn't supposed to eat anything, and his mom had told him that "your digestive system will appreciate you more this way."

"Maybe I'll see you tomorrow then," Carly said as she rose to her feet to start making smoothies. With a nod, Freddie made his way to the door of the apartment. Walking through, he hesitated before closing the door, making sure Carly's back was to him. Then, daringly, he glanced at Sam, whose eyes were already on him. Both of their faces were emotionless. Without moving her eyes, Sam picked up a cherry from the bowl and placed it between her teeth. She slowly plucked it off of its stem before wrapping her lips around it. Freddie closed the door.

"Warning, loud noise," Carly let Sam know as she turned on the blender. The fruits and ice inside began to spin around rapidly, the machine blaring. "So what's new with you?" she yelled over the noise, struggling to keep the lid on.

"Nothing," Sam replied softly so that her voice was impossible to hear over the blender, "nothing at all." Only then did she finally tear her eyes away from the closed door.

* * *

She never knocked on doors, always breaking the lock to allow herself inside. Pulling her blonde hair over one shoulder, she walked through the living room, then into a bedroom with an open window. She hesitated, as she always did, before boldly making her way to the open window. Climbing through the space, Sam joined Freddie out on the fire escape.

"Hey," she said quietly. Freddie was sitting on a chair, staring out at the city. The hot summer heat of the city was almost unbearable during the day, but the sun had started to set now, and down below there were more people out for strolls on the street than there had been in the afternoon.

Freddie nodded. "How was your smoothie?"

"Good. Really good. You would have liked it." Pause. Sam glanced back through the window, peering through Freddie's room which was as neat and tidy as the sample beds at IKEA. No sound emerged from inside. "When does your mom get back?"

"Not for another hour." It was Freddie's turn to pause now, biting the inside of his lower cheek anxiously. "I really wish we didn't have to lie to her Sam. I mean shouldn't we tell her? It's Carly after all."

Sam arched her eyebrows slightly, face straight and unreadable. "What's there to tell?"

At this, they both turned their eyes away from each other, watching the city. The silence between them was bubbly with nerves and anticipation, as it always was when they were alone. The relationship between Sam and Freddie was a complicated one – although neither of them would ever dare to admit it – yet their late afternoon plans were quite simple. About three times a week, Freddie's mom would go to her friends' house for tea or book clubs or cleaning advice, and Sam would then come over without telling anyone. The two of them would just hangout, sometimes inside, sometimes out, although little was often said.

Sam had assumed the whole thing had been her idea. It had seemed that a first kiss hadn't been enough for either of them, so when Sam came over one evening unannounced before summer, they both knew why. They experimented kissing with each other: eyes open, eyes closed, standing up, lying down, sometimes without tongues but almost always with, and once Freddie had been chewing gum which, of course, ended up in Sam's mouth. Their hands now ventured daringly across each other's bodies, unclipping and unzipping, and their lips had started to leave the face to find bliss in different places. Whatever they did decide to do, Sam and Freddie always started and ended with deep kisses, so passionate it almost looked real.

_But it's not real_, Sam had told herself numerous times. She had made it quite clear to Freddie that she didn't like him anymore than a friend after he had asked her what they were exactly. "I don't subscribe to labels Freddie," she had responded seriously, "but haven't you ever heard the term '_friends with benefits'?_" If Freddie had wanted to be anything more, he had never said, which was just the way Sam liked it. They could enjoy each other's company, they could enjoy each other's kissing, but nothing else was there to be felt.

"Did I tell you I'm leaving, two weeks today?" Sam was the first to speak, leaning against the outside brick. "My mom is making me go stay with my grandparents. I know it's only for four days of the whole summer, but I'm expecting it to be as exciting as flossing my teeth."

Freddie eyed her, a devilish grin spreading uncontrollably across his mouth. "_You_ floss your teeth?" he asked jokingly, and Sam responded with her infamous closed-mouth smile.

With a small nod to himself, Freddie rose from his chair and approached Sam, stopping only inches away. Their eyes avoided each other, timid curls playing with the corners of their lips. It was always this moment when questions wildly whizzed through their heads. _Were they really going to keep this up? Did everyone do this with old friends? Would they just keep on kissing until…_

The questions only usually ever got that far before one of them leaned in first. That night it was Freddie, pushing Sam's body further against the wall, lips pressed hard against each other. Sam lifted her arms up and wrapped them around the back of Freddie's neck, feeling weightless. It wasn't long before Freddie his head back.

"You know what Sam?" he asked, his voice in a breathy whisper, "Even if it's still two weeks away, and you're only gone for four days, I'm going to miss you."

Sam's mouth formed the shape of an O, caught off guard. Other than Carly, she never would have believed anyone who said they would miss her for four days – not even her own mother. Then what made her so sure that Freddie meant every word? Her eyes were still open, deep in thought as Freddie kissed her lightly. Suddenly not feeling like having to hold her arms up anymore, they went limp around Freddie's neck before Sam let them fall.

"Mm… Mm… Freddie?" she managed to turn her head away before saying lamely, "I'm thirsty. Can you get me a drink?"

"Sure," Freddie responded innocently. "Do you want, like, a beer or something?"

"God, no!" Sam said quickly, "No, I've just come from vodka spiked smoothies at Carly's. Just a glass of water, thanks."

Freddie nodded and climbed through the window. Sam began to feel sick watching him walk away, and the second he turned down the hall she left the wall. She started pacing back and forth on the fire escape, something she rarely ever did. "Shit," she hissed under her breath, "shit!"

After some more pacing, she came to a halt. Frantically she wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand because maybe, just maybe, she had felt something.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – I think the iCarly characters are in grade nine, right? Well I've decided to fast forward and put them in the summer before they enter grade eleven, so a year later – just so it fits more with this fanfic. Thanks!**

**Also, I changed the title of the story, so let me know which you prefer: _iDon't Need You, Right?_ or _Won't You Let Me Know_**

_**x0**_

_**Vintage88**_

* * *

Kicking up his feet in a little jig as he ran down the hall, Spencer burst into his sister's room. With a grin, he yelled, "Carl-AHHHH, I'm sorry!" He froze as he realized Carly was on the phone. He grinned apologetically as she met his eye, baring his huge horse teeth. "Carly!" he then whispered, waving at her as if he didn't already have her attention. Carly nodded for him to hold on before turning her back to him.

Carly was on the phone with Dawn Flannigan. She had arrived at their school halfway through the school, and Carly, being Carly, had done her best to make her feel welcome. After all, it couldn't be easy making friends in the middle of their grade ten year. Dawn was nice, a loud girl who liked to have fun, but with a slight obsession with iCarly. She hadn't tried to be discrete when she said she wanted to be on the show with them, and Sam had replied, not quite discretely either, that it would never happen.

"… and it's going to be really fun," Dawn blabbered away in Carly's ear, "and I've already put together an amazing music playlist and maybe you could talk about it on iCarly and are you sure you're going to come?"

"Yes Dawn," Carly grimaced, "I'm still coming, just like I said when you asked me thirty-seven minutes ago."

"Oh right, right, right, well I just wanted to call and make sure and hey, did I tell you what I'm planning to wear?"

"Dawn," Carly suddenly burst, unable to hold in her temper any longer, "I'm sorry but I have to go. It's my brother. He fell… and hit his mouth… and now his teeth are bleeding!"

"Teeth can bleed?" Dawn began, but Carly frantically turned off the phone. Her eyes were wide from the pathetic lie Dawn had somehow believed and slowly she turned to face her brother. With a tight smile, she asked, "What's up?"

Spencer had crossed his arms over his chest and arched one bushy eyebrow. "Did you just lie to your friend? My teeth are not bleeding and I did not fall and since you told her that exactly I am certainly certain that you just told a lie."

"I know," she responded with a sigh, "but it was Dawn."

Spencer gasped dramatically, wincing as he curled his arms into his chest as if he were afraid Dawn were about to pop up somewhere. "You mean the girl who took to you, Sam and Freddie like a vulture takes to a dead carcass?"

Almost gagging at this question, Carly nodded twice before distracting herself by picking up her cell phone. Already she had received a text from Dawn, giving her instructions to her house, even though Carly had been there before. Rolling her eyes, she dropped her phone onto a beanbag and approached her brother. "You were going to tell me something?" she reminded him.

Face suddenly beaming, Spencer cleared his throat. "I, uh… wanted to know what you were planning to do tonight because I, uh… have a hot date with Fattianna. I met her while shopping for thumb tacks and it turned out we have a lot in common. She wants to take me to an art exhibit where everything is made out of trash."

Carly suppressed the laugher that was rising in her throat. There had been so many things wrong with what Spencer had just told her, and in the end she decided to ask, "What kind of name is Fattianna?"

"Well I'm sure you would be named Fattianna if you were half Spanish, half German," Spencer retorted, mildly offended. "Now I need to know what you're doing tonight before I head out."

"Dawn's having a party," Carly replied, "and if I don't go she'll probably break into my room to see where I am."

Spencer shuddered, "Are you sure you want to go?"

"Dawn's not that bad. Besides long as I have Sam and Freddie coming it'll be fine."

Spencer arched an eyebrow in Carly's direction at hearing this. The corners of his mouth curled up into a goofy smile as he laughed, "Right, as if either of them will want to go to Dawn's party. HA! Good luck!"

Carly scowled, "Oh shut up. Freddie and Sam may not like Dawn very much, but they'll go. They always end up going."

* * *

"I am not going."

"Sam!"

Sam whipped around to face Carly. "Dawn pisses me off. Why would I spend one of my summer nights at her party?"

"Because she's one of the few people in this city who has a backyard," Carly sang with a cheesy grin. There was a moment of consideration from Sam, and Carly would tell that she was starting to warm up to the idea of going. "There will be a lot of people going," Carly added, "so the chance of you actually running into her is like, thirty-eight percent."

"Thirty-eight percent," Sam repeated, "as in thirty-eight out of a hundred?"

Carly nodded eagerly, and as Sam narrowed her eyes in thought, she put her phone back up to her ear. "Sam is considering on coming again," Carly told Freddie who was on the other line. He, too, wasn't sure if he wanted to go, but had made it clear to Carly that he wanted to know what Sam was doing first.

"Don't tell him that," Sam hissed. "I have no idea what I'm doing yet. What did he say?"

"Sorry Freddie," Carly said into the phone, "Sam wanted to know what you just said." Sam dropped her head back in frustration.

"I'm still not sure," Freddie responded slowly, "but I think I'm going to come."

"Change of plans," Sam suddenly barked, causing Carly to jump, "I'm not going to Dawn's. I don't like her and it would stupid to go. I'm staying here."

Carly updated Freddie on Sam's status before turning to her friend and crying, "Why not? Sam please, you can't just leave me to go to Dawn's alone." In an act of desperation, Carly grabbed onto Sam's shoulders and shook her back and forth, "You have to come with me, you have to come with –" Carly suddenly froze, removing her hands from Sam's shoulders to look at her phone. "Now look what you made me do. I hung up on Freddie."

"Oh yeah," inquired Sam, "well what did he say?"

"He said he didn't want to go anymore which means I'm going to have to go to Dawn's alone. Remind me to look for new friends when we go back to school in the fall, will you?"

Sam's face suddenly lit up, her eyebrows arched slightly at an idea. "How about this instead; I go to the party with you and just you, which means we go without Freddie."

"Why would we do that?"

"Come on Carl," Sam cried as if it were completely obvious, "the boy already said he didn't want to go so we would only be making him do something against his will if we dragged him along."

A smirk suddenly twitched across Carly's lips. "You practically do that to him all the time with the way you bully him," she pointed out.

"True," Sam said slowly, "but you're missing the point. Freddie doesn't want to go so we'll just forget about him. Besides, he's always a downer at parties. He rarely drinks and just stands there awkwardly all the time. He's like a shadow or something."

Carly's face was serious in thought. Sam did have a point when she said Freddie hardly drank at parties, but it wasn't like she or Sam ever did so excessively either. Carly couldn't help but feel guilty at the thought of leaving Freddie out, even if he had said he wasn't interested in going. "Are you mad at Freddie or something?" she asked Sam.

"Why would you say that?" Sam responded quickly, and the two girls slightly turned their backs to each other.

"No reason," Carly replied airily. "So I guess if it's just the two of us going we should start getting ready, right?"

"Definitely." Sam let a silent sight escape from her mouth, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders. As much as Dawn got on her nerves, she had never been so thankful that the girl practically had a crush on her and Carly. The fact that Sam would be spending her time trying to avoid Dawn would mean she would be too busy to think about Freddie, at least for the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

With Dawn having never been popular at school, Carly could only come up with one answer as to why so many people had actually shown up at her party: she had a backyard. No one wanted to stand inside an apartment during a party, where even air conditioning couldn't stop beads of sweat from forming on people's foreheads. With the summer sun long gone, outside was cool, refreshing, and the only place people wanted to be.

_If only her backyard weren't so damn small_, Carly wouldn't help but think, yet knew that it was rare for anyone in a city to have large backyard. She found herself pressed up against a wooden fence with some boy standing only inches away, whether he wanted to or not. But he was a cute boy, and had drunkenly handed Carly an unopened bottle of sipping rum which she delightfully opened up.

"So you're going into grade twelve?" Carly asked him, wishing she could remember the stranger's name. Mentally, she decided to call him Boy.

Boy nodded, dark brown hair falling into his deliciously blue eyes that somehow managed to shimmer even in the night. "Yup, final year of high school, but I'm considering dropping out. I mean, I don't really need an education for my career. I want to be a male face model; that, or a superhero DJ. Maybe both."

Superhero DJ? Carly just nodded anyways, too in love with Boy's eyes to move… not that she really had a choice. Boy suddenly pulled a joint out of his pocket, and seeing Carly's lip curl in disgust, she asked if she minded. "Oh, no," she responded although she hated the smell of weed, "please, go ahead. You know," she added only because the rum had made her mouth loose, "in Laos they can arrest you for life for carrying drugs."

Boy grinned lazily as he began to light up. "Laos? What's that, a modeling company?"

Carly cringed. Just as she was about to respond that Laos was a country in Asia, Dawn somehow managed to pop up between them. "Hi!" she cried, her wide-set eyes large and her grin even larger. "Hey, I'm so glad you guys met. Carly, this is my cousin."

Cousin, Carly thought with a frown, for the two did not look alike at all. Either way she nodded, then coughed loudly until she got Dawn's attention. The girl stared at Carly for only a moment before cluing in to her coughing message. With a dramatized gasp, she cried, "Callum! You can't smoke in my backyard. It's disgusting." Without warning, she snatched the joint out of his hand and yelled as she walked away to dispose of it, "I'm disappointed in you Callum."

_So that's his name!_

Callum hadn't seemed to notice his now missing joint. He continued to grin at Carly. "So Laos," he spoke slowly, "is a big modeling company? Do you have connections to maybe hook me up with them?"

Carly smiled tightly back with a laugh. Callum was just too irresistible to walk away from, and she knew that if she did another girl would be on him in a second. Popping open the lid of the rum, she took a large gulp. It warmed and burned her chest, but Carly decided she would need a little more if she was planning to stay with the gorgeous, but stupid, Callum.

* * *

Part of what made Dawn's backyard so small was the garden shed that had been built in the corner. As the night drew on, Sam began to eye it more and more. She stood with a group of kids in her grade who she rarely knew, and who were so drunk that they no longer understood Sam's monotone sarcasm. Part of her had known that she wouldn't enjoy Dawn's party, but she at least thought that she would be there with Carly, but gazing around Sam couldn't see her anywhere. Finishing off the beer in her hand, Sam dropped the bottle onto the grass and pushed her way to the garden shed.

Sam hardly felt tipsy as slipped behind the garden shed and the wooden fence, desperate for escape from the crowd. She had been watching her feet as she walked, but looking down she spotted something that was more than just grass. Quick as a flash, Sam snapped her eyes up and let out a cry of shock, "Freddie?"

"Sam?"

Sam's mouth dropped open at the sight of him just in front of her, but only briefly before she snapped it shut. Nonetheless, she found herself at a loss of words as Freddie eyed her uncertainly. A short period time passed before Sam forced a wicked smirk onto her face and asked, "What the hell are you doing behind the garden shed, Fred_weird_? God, could you be any more of a creep?"

"Then what exactly are you doing here?" Freddie tried not to smile at his accomplished retort, causing Sam to hesitate before responding.

"Well at least I said I was going to come to this party and not just show up randomly. You told Carly you weren't coming."

"Carly said you weren't coming."

"Clearly I changed my mind if I arrived here with Carly!" Sam scowled, turning away slightly as she nibbled on her bottom lip. "So why exactly are you here Freddie?"

"Carly sent me a text telling me that you were both here and that I should come. I don't know why she did," Freddie added quickly before Sam could snap at him again, "but I probably should have stayed home in the end. After I couldn't find either of you I came back here to just get away from everyone for a moment."

Sam nodded, knowing exactly how Freddie felt. Part of her wished that she could have just enjoyed being outside in the cool air like everyone else – even if it was at Dawn's house – yet there was something that had been on her mind the whole time, ruining her time. What had been on her mind? Unfortunately, it had been Freddie, and meeting him unexpectedly behind the garden shed was the last thing Sam needed. To her surprise though, she began to feel herself relax the longer she stood in silence, and she couldn't convince herself that it was because she had gotten away from the crowd.

Head tilted down, Sam watched Freddie from the corner of her eye, peering out from behind a veil of long blonde hair. Her skin began to tingle, causing her to catch her breath. _He was right there, she was right there, it was so simple_. Was it? Sam didn't really think it was, and clearing her throat, fixed her position so that she stood lazily against the fence. Without warning, she suddenly stumbled into the arms of Freddie.

"Whoa," she made herself giggle uncontrollably, "sorry about that."

"Are you okay?" Freddie began to ask, but Sam had suddenly placed her lips on his. They were only there for a second before Freddie gripped her arms and shoved her back. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

Sam stumbled and looked as if she was having trouble keeping her balance. "Come on Freddie. Just pretend we're on the fire escape outside your room."

"But we're not," he said flatly, seriously, "we're at a party. You said you didn't want anyone to know."

"Look Freddie, I've had a little too much to drink and I can't remember saying any of that before. Besides, no one is going to see us. We're behind a shed!" She willingly fell into his arms, but he wasn't quite giving in like she had hoped. Freddie was avoiding her stare, glancing up at the clear night sky.

"You're not drunk," he told her, "I know you aren't because you and I were having a perfectly sober conversation only minutes ago. Just snap out of it. You know what you said, and you said that there's nothing for people to see. Well what if they see us?"

Half of Sam's mouth turned up into a wicked grin as she pressed herself against Freddie. She flipped her thumbs into the front pockets of Freddie's jeans, and her four fingers down his jeans as far as they would go. "I don't care if people see," she whispered, placing her lips back onto Freddie's, missing the sight of his face light up by her words. It took only a moment before Freddie was kissing her back, causing Sam to laugh. "You're so easy," she murmured between kisses.

If Freddie were going to respond, Sam would have never known. Someone had clearly called out her name, spotting her hidden behind the garden shed. There was a sudden gasp from the irritating stranger, snapping Sam to her senses. "Shit," she said a tad too loudly, pulling back from Freddie. She lifted up her hands, placing one of Freddie's shoulder and the other on the side of his head, pushing him hard until he fell around the corner of the garden shed and out of sight.

Hesitating, Sam finally looked up to see, who else, Dawn Flannigan. Her eyes were even wider than normal, eyebrows arched like a cartoon's, and her lips hung open like some beached fish gasping for hair. Unconsciously, Sam wiped her mouth as she snapped, "What the fuck do you want Dawn? Dawn?"

On the repeat of her name, Dawn quickly shook her head. A false smile was slapped back onto her mouth before it was replaced with a look of concern. "Right," she said quickly, "it's Carly. I came to get you since you're her best friend even though I sometimes think I could be Carly's best friend too, but I had to ask a bunch of people before someone finally said they saw you by the garden shed so I looked behind it and –"

"Dawn!" Sam cried.

"Right," the girl squeaked, "it's Carly. She's throwing up next to the sunflowers."

_Well that's not something you hear every day_, Sam thought bitterly. Wiping her mouth again, she told Dawn to wait for her, making up some feeble excuse that she had dropped her phone. On her hands and knees pretending to look for it, Sam tired to not make it too obvious as she peered around the corner of the shed. No matter how hard she squinted in the dark, she could not see Freddie anywhere. He was gone.

* * *

Sam stood outside Dawn's house, waiting for a cab with one arm of Carly slumped over her shoulder. Carly kept mumbling about someone named Callum and Laos and hating the taste of rum. _What the hell is Laos?_ Sam thought angrily, and if Carly hadn't smelled of vomit she would have snapped at Carly to stop repeating herself.

"So," Dawn said slowly who had decided to wait for a cab with Sam, no matter how hard she said she was fine taking care of Carly herself. "Get any action tonight, huh, huh?" Dawn let out a laugh, but stopped immediately when Sam didn't join in, didn't even look at her. There was a pause before Dawn, who just couldn't shut up, continued, "Is it weird making out with one of your best friends? Because you and Freddie have been friends for like, a really long time –"

"Alright," Sam replied simply, "alright, what do you want? Money, food? I can do your homework when we get back to school, but don't be expecting any good marks."

"What do you mean?"

"Well aren't you going to blackmail me or something?" Sam answered as if it were simple to understand, "Isn't that where you're going with this?"

Dawn looked appalled. "Blackmail you? Why would I do that? I mean I may have seen you making out with –"

"No need to repeat it," Sam cut in. "In fact, we're never going to speak of this again, got it? Not even in front of Carly. And if I ever catch you telling anyone of this, you might as well start packing your suitcases because you'll be living in a hospital for a while."

With a tight smile, Dawn replied, "If you were anyone else but Sam, I wouldn't believe you. But don't worry. I'm great at keeping secrets, especially with my coolest friends."

Sam rolled her eyes as she shifted the weight of Carly on her back. To her relief, Dawn stayed quiet, the only sound between them escaping as a burp from Carly's mouth. When the cab rolled up, Dawn helped shuffle Carly across the back seat. Sam told the driver the apartment building where Carly lived, then climbed in.

Before she closed the door, Sam turned back and looked seriously at Dawn. "And another thing," she told her, "Freddie and I were never best friends."

-

**A/N - So how exactly does Sam feel about Freddie?? You'll have to wait and see :)... and thanks for the reviews so far!**

_x0_

_Vintage88_


	4. Chapter 4

"Sam, I'm sorry."

Across the room from Carly's bed, Sam sat on a beanbag. In her hands was some magazine that she had been reading – or at least pretending to read; she had been staring blankly at the same page for almost an hour. Glancing up from its glossy pages, Sam arched an eyebrow in the direction of a very groggy Carly. She let out a laugh at the sight of her friend with bags below her eyes, smeared eye makeup and a large knot of hair on the side of her head.

"You look attractive," Sam replied mockingly. She watched as Carly turned to read the alarm clock next to her bed. It flashed one in the afternoon and Carly released a tiny squeal, "I'm sorry!"

"Sorry for what?"

Carly made a face of surprise, as if it should have been easy. Almost as if she were afraid to admit, she whispered, "For getting… _wasted_. I swear it will never happen again. Did I totally ruin your night?"

"It certainly wasn't you who ruined it," Sam muttered under her breath, and when Carly asked her what she had said, Sam quickly smiled and said, "Of course you didn't. You were quite a sight, slumped over in between two sunflowers. I would have taken a picture if Dawn hadn't been so damn against it."

Placing a cool palm on her forehead, Carly fell back lightly onto the bed. Her neck felt as if it couldn't support her, suddenly, very heavy head. She wanted to brush her teeth, for her mouth tasted like a mix of booze and alcohol, but she was too nervous to get up on her feet just yet. Carly felt dirty and tired and sick… her first real hangover. _Oh yeah,_ she told herself silently, _I am so never letting this happen again_.

"So what was his name?" Sam had turned back to her magazine, but was grinning slyly with the question.

Carly let out a laugh. "Callum, Callum Flannigan. He was so incredibly hot, yet so incredibly dim. He thought Laos was a modeling company."

"What's Laos?"

Not bothering to reply, Carly instead said, "You should have seen me wedged up between him and the fence. There was no way I could have moved from where I was, so I thought if I wanted to be able to tolerate him I would just drink a little more than usual."

"Or a little more than usual," Sam put in. "So did you guys make out?"

Carly frowned, trying to remember. "I think I recall the disgusting taste of a smoky, weed-flavored tongue in my mouth. Ugh, I hate not being able to remember things. I swear this will never happen again."

"Weed-flavored tongue? Ew, you just made me vomit in my mouth. My God, Carly Shay I am surprised with you. That will be a night to remember… if you can remember any of it."

Carly had found the bird-nest knot on the side of her head and sat up in an attempt to untangle it with her fingers. Without meeting Sam's eye, she asked slowly, "So did you kiss anyone last night?"

"Nope."

"Oh." Carly tried not to frown at Sam's quick, dull answer. She waited a moment before continuing, "I decided to text Freddie and let him know we were both at Dawn's. Did you see if he ever showed up?" Sam shook her head, now staring intently at something she had suddenly found in the magazine. Carly responded again with a simple _Oh,_ and for a brief moment Sam thought she sounded disappointed.

* * *

Sam jumped down the stairs into the Shay kitchen. Carly had decided to take a shower so that she may freshen herself up, leaving Sam no other choice but to raid their fridge. A blast of cool air hit her face as she opened the fridge door, and Sam scanned it eagerly. There was certain there was nothing she enjoyed more than eating. After some thought, she grabbed onto a jar of strawberry jam, then made her way to the pantry to grab a bag of Tostitos.

"Good morning Sam," a rather gruff voice said from behind her.

"I think you mean good afternoon," Sam corrected Spencer as she turned around to face him. He surprisingly looked a lot like Carly at that moment, with dull, tired eyes and brown hair that stuck up as if in a frantic state. "Looks like you had a party last night," Sam said mischievously. "How's Fatti?"

Spencer smiled thinly. "_Anna_," he told her tensely, "Fatti_anna_."

"What?" Sam pouted jokingly as she dipped a chip into the strawberry jam, "Was your date with Fattianna not as great as you had hoped. Carly told me how your eyes went all crazy when you talked about her and your plans for your hot date."

"No, of course Fattianna was great," Spencer exclaimed, "but the date was…"

"It sucked?" Sam suggested, and Spencer nodded quickly.

"Yeah, the hotness was at a seriously minimum." He paused, squeezing his lips together in thought. Finally no longer able to hold it in, he burst in a whisper, "She brought her brother!"

Sam's mouth dropped open. "She brought her brother on your date? That's just weird."

"And painful!" Spencer almost cried. "But it gets worse. Halfway through our tour through our non-romantic walk through the gallery, she gets a call on her phone informing her that some pipe had burst in at home in her apartment. Fattianna decided to leave me with her brother while she went to check it out, but then four hours passed before she finally called me."

"Four hours, wow." Sam, completely engrossed in Spencer's amusingly disappointing date, popped a few more jam-covered chips into her mouth.

"Fattianna said that her brother couldn't come home that night because there was water flooding through his room and she asked if he could spend the night here while she tried to get the problem fixed."

"You didn't let him stay here, did you?"

"I had to!" Spencer squeaked. His face had gone so red that Sam was afraid he was about to pass out just from the memory. "It was so awkward. He doesn't even like art; he's all about school and education." They both made a face at this. "I didn't know what to say to him because he clearly found it weird that I was dating his sister."

"Please," Sam rolled her eyes, "there's no way you could have called last night a date."

"It doesn't matter! All I know is that my night was completely ruined by… ANDERS! Hey, how are you doing, buddy?"

Spencer had turned around just in time to see Fattianna's brother, Anders, appear from the guest room. Just at once glance, Sam found Anders awkward as he stood a few feet away from the kitchen counter. It was as if he were afraid to approach either of them. He was about the same age as Sam – tall and lanky with wisps of blonde hair. His clothes were a wrinkled mess, showing that he had had to sleep in them.

"Hi," Anders replied after a moment. He forced a smile onto his face, although it was clear he wished to be anywhere but in a strangers house. The whole scene was terribly amusing to Sam, who enjoyed watching Spencer's eyes shift back and forth as though he hoped it would help him come up with something to say.

Finally, he exclaimed loudly in one run on sentenced, "Well it was nice seeing you again hope you slept well I'm going to have a shower stay with Sam she'll keep you company!" He skittered away, disappearing into his room.

"Hey!" Sam cried out angrily, but Spencer was gone. With a sigh, she rolled her eyes onto Anders. He was watching her as if he were expecting her to do something. When it became clear she wasn't going to say anything, he said slowly, "So are you Spencer's sister?"

"What? No, ew!" Sam cried, "I'm his sister's best friend. Carly's upstairs having a shower." Narrowing her eyes, Sam shook a finger at him and added, "Don't go getting any ideas now."

Anders held up his hands defensively. "Don't… don't worry. I wasn't." His large brown eyes fell down to Sam's hands, which were dipping a Tostitos chip into the jar. "You eat chips with jam?" he asked in surprised.

"I'll eat anything," Sam replied with a lazy shrug.

"Well, I do that too; I eat chips with strawberry jam all the time. Everyone thinks it's completely weird of me."

"It's not that weird," Sam pointed out. "It just tastes like salsa, only sweeter."

"Exactly!" Anders replied as a grin, a real grin, spread across his face.

Sam stared at his grin fondly, for it made a funny, lopsided shape. She then averted her eyes, thoughts whirling around her head that caused her eyes to light up. Licking her lips, she said, "You know what Anders? I'm going to do something I rarely do and share my food with you. Would you like some chips and strawberry jam?"

Anders grinned again. "Sure," he said as he approached her, boldly adding, "and why have you decided to share your food with me?"

"Dunno," Sam said with a shrug. Meeting Anders' eye, Sam allowed her closed-lip smile to slowly crawl across her face before quickly dropping her gaze in a bashful, girly way. Anders didn't know Sam well enough to realize she was making a spectacle out of herself, although Sam most certainly did. She didn't mind though, because it seemed that Sam had come up with a plan.


	5. Chapter 5

iCarly rehearsals were the next day. Carly and Sam had made a target board and were planning to slingshot tomatoes at it from afar – part of that week's episode – and all they had to do was test to make sure everything ran smoothly. As Sam rolled the target board into position, she glanced every now and then at Anders, smiling whenever they met eyes. After much discussion, Sam had finally convinced Carly to allow Anders to watch their rehearsal for the day.

"Fine," Carly had given up after much Sam-persuading, "just as long as he sits there quietly and doesn't bother us."

Sam promised Anders would behave. She would be surprised if he did otherwise, for after hanging out with him for the afternoon she learned quickly that he was mostly a quiet boy who only talked when something fully interested him. Keeping up a conversation with Anders had been surprisingly difficult – not because he was overly proud, but because he and Sam didn't have much in common apart from their adoration for food.

Carly checked the time on her cell phone, tapping her foot impatiently as she began to type out a text. "I can't believe he's late; Freddie's never late!" she cried for the umpteenth time. "Ugh, I wish he would just pick up his phone already." Turning to Anders, she apologized, "Sorry, we're not usually this disorganized."

"Don't worry," he smiled timidly, "I'm sure everything will sort itself out. I've seen your show before."

Sam approached him eagerly, flopping down in the beanbag next to his. "Do you have a favorite episode?"

He shrugged, "Too many to be sure." After a moment, he felt he needed to ask, "So do either of you want to go into film or television after high school?"

"Oh, who really thinks that far into the future, right?" Sam let out a laugh. No one joined in.

Carly, after letting out a groan at the time once again, added unconsciously, "Probably. What I want to do is travel first; get a chance to see the world where tacky tourists are nowhere to be found."

"No way," Anders exclaimed, "I hate tourists too. I've always wanted to go to Burma, but I don't think that's possible as of now –"

"Because of their government," Carly finished his sentence with a somewhat shocked expression on her face, "it's too unstable because it's all military control. I never knew anyone else who wanted to go to Burma."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Please, why bother to travel all that way? Now, it may not be Burmese food, but there's this great Thai restaurant not too far from here. Do you remember what it's called Carl? Pow… Pow Yum something. Anyways, if you want some good Pad Thai Anders, go there."

There was a moment before Carly added, "They do make awfully good Pad Thai."

Sam rolled her eyes again, announcing that she was going to find Freddie. As Sam left Carly's room, she began to pick up speed unconsciously, until she was jumping down the stairs with her long, blonde hair flailing behind her. Sam burst into the hall of the apartment building, jumping up into the air and kicking on Freddie's door with her food. When he did not immediately replied, she simply pulled a bobby pin out of her shorts and fiddled with the lock. It was only a moment before it clicked open.

The inside of Freddie's apartment was quiet at first. Everything was so still and perfect that Sam felt like she had walked into a museum of the freakishly clean American families, and wondered if she had been wrong to think Freddie was at home. Almost letting out a laugh at her doubt, Sam then thought, _As if Freddie would have anywhere else to be_.

Just then, she heard the sound of a door close, and followed the noise to Freddie's bedroom door. With a sinister smirk, Sam placed a hand on the doorknob, hesitating for only a second before swinging the door open and shouting, "HI FREDDIE!"

In the end, both of them let out a cry of shock: Freddie because he had not been expecting Sam's grand entrance; and Sam because she had not been expecting Freddie to be standing in only his boxers. His hair was wet and a towel had been tossed lazily on the ground, indicating he had just come out of the shower. They stared at each other, Freddie's face turning crimson to the ears and Sam's eyes lingering over his scrawny body.

"Hi Freddie," Sam repeated herself, only this time her voice weak sounding. A grin began to spread across her mouth as smoothly as butter on toast, and she finally dared herself to meet Freddie's eye. He was anything but pleased to see her.

"Turn around," he glowered, and Sam did so without a sound. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to get you," Sam sighed. "You're late for iCarly rehearsals and Carly was only about to have a heart attack. I thought I was doing the right thing by coming to get you."

"Does breaking into my house count as the right thing?"

"Well it's not like I haven't done it before," Sam pointed out, although she immediately wished she hadn't. A chill wrapped around her arms and legs as the two of them became very quiet. Sam forced herself to think of anything but her past experiences with Freddie, but for some reason the sound of Freddie getting dressed made it near impossible to do. "Hey, thanks for ditching me at Dawn's the other night," Sam decided to say. "Carly got drunk, and I mean legitimately drunk."

Freddie arched his eyebrows. "You serious?"

"Yup, and while you were running off in the dark I had to take the babbling girl home myself."

"Well you are the one who pushed me around the garden shed," Freddie retorted, the irritation in his voice bolder than Sam had expected. She chose to drop the topic, and as she lifted her eyes up at the ceiling above her, she realized it had become very quiet. It was just as quiet as when she had first arrived. Freddie had finished changing.

Sam turned around, almost bumping into Freddie he was so unexpectedly close to her. He stood there, waiting for her to move out of the doorway, but Sam stood still. A similar sensation washed over her at the thought of how close Freddie was too her, and no matter how much she disliked it, Sam couldn't stop a smirk from rising on her face at the thought of how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss him. She was almost certain Freddie was thinking the same thing when he shoved past her, declaring, "I'm not doing this."

Slowly walking after him, Sam watched as Freddie grabbed his camera bag off of the kitchen counter. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, stopping in her tracks and placing clenched fist into her hips. She noticed her fingers begin to feel clammy against her palms and quickly decided to just drop her arms back down to her sides.

Freddie didn't respond. Just as he was about to open the door to cross the hall, he stopped and turned around to face Sam. "You know what," he told her, "I'm sorry. Not for you, but Carly getting sick at Dawn's. I don't think she deserves that, do you?"

Sam hunched her shoulders and half raised her arms in bemused disbelief. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she shouted at him. She wished she could have snapped something horrid and mean back at Freddie, but her lips were squeezed tightly together. Fury burning a hole in the centre of her chest, Sam stormed after Freddie, so livid that she had forgotten to tell Freddie about iCarly's _special_ guest Anders, which was, after all, the only reason she had come to get him.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the day was a disaster, and as far as Carly was concerned, a waste of her time.

Freddie had stormed into rehearsals with Sam not far behind, which was, of course, when it all began. Sam's shameless flirting with Anders made Carly embarrassed for the poor guy who clearly had no idea to respond. The flipping of Sam's hair, batting of the eyelashes, and a laugh that was so girly it practically sparkled as it left her mouth, was so unlike Sam that Carly had to twist the slingshot in her hands to stop herself from exploding in a fury. What also soon became obvious were Freddie and his constant picking on Sam. When she did stop flirting to practice her lines, there was nothing negative that he wouldn't say until Sam started shouting at him.

The only tomato that ever actually got tested in the slingshot was the one Sam had fired at Freddie. Her dead-on aim hit right on the pear that logoed the back of his laptop, and within a second they both erupted into an argument. In the end, Carly grabbed onto one each of their arms, dragging Sam and Freddie behind her to the elevator. They hardly even noticed as she stuck inside and pushed the button for them to return to the main floor. The doors slid shut and as the elevator travelled downwards, the shouting voices of Sam and Freddie slowly faded.

Exhaling slowly, Carly leaned forwards and lightly began hitting her head on the elevator doors. It was only when Anders' voice reminded her of his presence that she turned around. "What?" she asked him, having missed his question.

"Do they always behave like that?" Anders had risen to his feet, his brown eyes shifting uncomfortably.

"They usually pick on each other," she answered, "but never like _that_. Sam and Freddie are, well, they're pretty complicated right now." Anders nodded, although Carly suspected he had no idea what she meant. "I'm sorry you had to sit through all of this."

"It's fine. I mean when Sam invited me I guess I just thought things would be different."

"They usually are. Today just sucked, big time." Feeling her throat tighten in frustration, Carly inhaled deeply and tilted her head up to the ceiling, swallowing a rising lump back into the pit of her stomach.

Anders cleared his throat, brushing his blonde hair out of his eyes. "Well, this may not improve your day," he told her slowly, "but it could guarantee that tomorrow is better. My friend is having a party tomorrow night and you can come if you want."

"Hey, that would be great! I'm coming for sure."

Anders and Carly both cringed as they turned to the door slowly. They hadn't notice Sam slip into the room. "Where's Freddie?" Carly asked her through a sigh.

"Fred_weird_? He left, thank God. He's usually not such a jerk," she told Anders, "but he's still a nerd most of the time."

With a single nod, Anders turned back to Carly with arched eyebrows. "I think I should go," he told them. "I'm sure Fattianna could use help drying everything that got soaked when the water pipe broke. So give me a call if you guys want to come tomorrow."  
"Oh, we'll be there, right Carl?" Sam grinned widely as she linked her arm with his. "Let me walk you to the door. We'll be back in second Carly."

"Actually Sam," Carly didn't try to hide the exhaustion from her voice, "I think you should go to. I've got some… some stuff to do before we film iCarly later this week."

Clearly surprised – or was she offended? – Sam slowly led Anders out of the room. He glanced back at Carly, and with an apologetic smile, Carly said goodbye, telling Anders she'd see him tomorrow. Carly felt only a little guilty about leaving him with the more-than-usual neurotic Sam Puckett, but there was no way she could stand another second of her best friend. Besides, Carly did have some things to think through.

Crashing on her beanbag, Carly lay there deep in thought. After a moment, she pulled out her phone and called Dawn. The only rang only once before the eager girl answered, but Carly didn't let her say a thing for fear of not getting a word in herself. Clutching her phone tightly, Carly asked almost guiltily, "Do you want to go to a party tomorrow night?"

* * *

Freddie loved Sam – that, or he hated her. He lay on his bed, eyes staring through the ceiling as he tried to decipher what was going on. Perhaps he just loved hating her, or did he hate loving her? Was that even possible to admit either of those without sounding like some pathetic boy band? There were synonyms for hating someone: despise, loath, abhorrence, odium! The list could go on forever, but nothing sounded as satisfying or serious or raw as the simple word hate. It was the same case for its antonym, love.

Unable to decide, Freddie flipped onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow. He had to choose something; he had to come to a verdict. Pushing his face further into the pillow, Freddie decided… he decided to… he settled on remembering a memory that came to mind.

"Have you come to apologize?" Freddie remembered asking Sam when he turned around to see that she had appeared in his room. Sam had somehow humiliated Freddie at school earlier that day, but as he thought about the memory now he realized he couldn't even remember what had happened.

Sam just smirked. "Never do," she had reminded him of the obvious truth.

There was a moment as Freddie watched Sam with narrowed eyes, still irritated with her. Sam avoided his stare, her lips curled over her teeth, but more like she was deep in thought rather than simply not being able to face him. She had let out a short, loud sigh as if she had come to a decision, and as Sam glanced back up at Freddie, her hands fiddled with something on her back. There was a tiny _click_ sound, and after some more fiddling, Sam's bra had fallen out from under her t-shirt and onto the floor.

Freddie had swallowed his shock. Until that day, he and Sam had only ever kissed during their times of 'experimentation'. Even then, they had only just started getting comfortable enough to grip each other tightly as they did so. Freddie remembered staring at Sam's bra in confusion. Was this some way of her apologizing for her earlier actions? He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"Do you want to see?" Sam asked him, slight nervousness raising her voice and yet, there was still a glint in her eye that expressed her excitement and anxiety and thrill. Sam gripped the hem of her shirt. She was so willing. "Freddie?" Sam said his name when it took him too long to respond, smiling her closed mouth smile at his hesitation.

He swallowed again. "I don't need to," Freddie had responded hoarsely, and Sam laughed.

"God, I had no idea you were such a pervert!"

"That's not what I meant," his words stumbled and fell quickly from his mouth in embarrassment. "I mean that I don't need to see anything, yet, because I'm fine with you, just you, right here as you are. Like this. With me. Just you." He had then repeated, and he remembered reading Sam's face. It was still, frozen with amusement, and if she had taken anything he had said seriously she didn't express it.

Their afternoon that day had continued as usual, only with Freddie's hands lingering on Sam's back until they found themselves sliding underneath the thin fabric of her shirt. He didn't see anything that time, just as he said he didn't need to. The memory then faded, ended, and Freddie was back on his bed, face still buried into his pillow. He began to wonder if Sam had noticed anything that day after she left, if she had begun to see something else or if she started to take Freddie a little more seriously.

Freddie's cell phone beeped twice on his side table, and he took his time before he responded. Carly had sent him a text with an address. It was the address of some friend of Anders, who had apparently invited them to a party. Feeling numb after a sudden reminder of the day's events, Freddie dropped his phone.

Sam never took anything seriously.


	7. Chapter 7

The next evening, Sam was in Carly's room eating their dinner of toast with butter and strawberries. It had been Sam's idea, and although it was oddly good Carly found it more to be a breakfast meal, but was in anything but the mood to tell her. The two friends were strangely quiet as they sat on their beanbags. Carly had been hoping Sam would apologize for wasting iCarly rehearsal practice yesterday, but Sam's mind was somewhere else. The time would come when they'd have to start getting for Ander's friend's party, and they both knew they'd have to admit what was on their minds eventually.

Carly sighed, causing Sam to meet her eye. Clenching her jaw tightly, Carly finally burst, "I invited Dawn to come with us tonight!"

At the same time, Sam explained, "I think I'm going to go to the party by myself."

The two of them froze, first waiting for each other's responses, then realizing what they had both said. Carly frowned, pursing her lips in shock. "Oh," she said simply. She then rolled her eyes. It was so like Sam to leave everything to the last minute.

"Hey, don't get all huffy with me," Sam muttered bitterly. "At least I didn't invite my new best friend to come to a party behind your back."

"She's not my best friend Sam," Carly sighed, "I just decided to invite her as a thanks for her party the other night. Besides, if it weren't for Dawn I'd be showing up at this guy's house by myself. You know," she then added, "if you had told me any later I would have thought you were ditching me."

"How am I ditching you if I'm just going to show up a little bit after you?" Sam retorted. "I'll be there before you know it. I just feel like, I don't know, I just want to go by myself, okay?"

Carly's eyes widened as she turned away from Sam. "Okay, do whatever you want. You always have, Sam Puckett." She began to clench her jaw again, irritably fiddling with the end of a strand of dark hair. She knew there had been a good reason for inviting Dawn. Without knowing that Sam would be bailing on her, Carly had only invited dawn because Sam had been getting on her nerves more than usual and figured that Sam just need some time to herself. Carly's plan had been to have Dawn by her side so that Sam would do whatever it took to avoid her, and that way Sam could think whatever was on her mind by herself without Carly actually having to tell her. Carly piped up, her voice quiet, "Well I'm going to start getting ready. Dawn will be showing up soon."

"Right," Sam said with annoyance, "then I should leave. I'll see you later."

With a tiny wave, Carly managed to say goodbye. After all, it was only the polite thing to do.

* * *

Dawn was grinning from ear to ear, the gap in her front teeth exasperatingly obvious. She had been like this the second she and Carly had walked through the doors into large loft where Anders greeted them. The girl was beaming standing by Carly who was practically her idol. For about the hundredth time, she turned to Carly and whispered, "Thanks so much for inviting me here. It's so great of you!"

Carly smiled tightly. "No worries. This is just to make up for throwing up next to your sunflowers. That was humiliating."

"Don't even worry about it," Dawn waved her hand in the air, "weirder things happened that night."

When Carly asked what Dawn meant by this, the girl let out a tiny squeal and quickly put her drink up to her mouth, taking large gulps. Carly hardly noticed, too busy glancing around the dimly lit room. She only recognized a few people who happened to go to her school, plus Anders, but other than that she didn't even know the name of the host. A couple standing by were eyeing Carly and whispering intently to each other, unsure if she was the one from the web show or not. Carly just waved awkwardly to them before turning away.

As she did, she caught sight of long, curly blonde hair. Sam clearly met Carly's eye, but quickly dropped her gaze before disappearing into the crowd. Carly let out an angry groan as Dawn asked bluntly, "Wasn't that Sam? Where is she going?"

"It doesn't matter," Carly replied, her voice a higher pitch than normal, "it doesn't matter where she's going because Sam is always off in her own little world." She paused, calming herself down by taking a deep breath before she would say something to Dawn that she would later regret. "It's just frustrating because, no offense Dawn, but Sam's my best friend and I know she's not telling me something and it's screwing everything up right now! She's been like this ever since your party and I don't know what to do."

Dawn's eyes grew wide and she quickly gulped the rest of her drink down. This time, Carly noticed and her mouth formed the shape of an O. "You know something, don't you." Carly spoke slowly, narrowing her eyes, "Don't you, Dawn."

Squeezing her cup, Dawn shifted her gaze back and forth, face flaming red. "I don't know anything Carly, I swear. I mean me, really? I barely remember anything that happened the night of the party. Something as obvious as, I don't know, Sam and Freddie hooking up, I would remember, but I don't so it didn't happen. HA! Uhh, hey… Hey, who's that hottie?"

Dawn forced a grin onto her face as Carly stared at her with dull eyes, clearly not amused. She decided to take Dawn's obvious distraction and turned her head to see Anders approaching them. His face beamed at the sight of Carly, and Carly found herself relax at the sight of him, slightly.

"Hey," he grinned lopsidedly, "I'm glad you showed up. Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Yes!" Dawn shouted, drawing some attention to herself. "Yes, please. I need a shot or something just as strong." She began fanning herself with her hands, somehow convincing herself that she had kept Sam's secret a secret. "You know what," she told Dawn and Anders, "I'm just going to go and find some alcohol right now. Wait for me!"

"I'm fine," Carly responded, eyeing Dawn funnily as she skittered away. "I told myself I'm not drinking tonight after a recent experience. Not that I drink a lot," Carly added frantically, "because I don't, usually, just that –"

"It's fine," Anders cut her off with a laugh, "do whatever you want. I don't drink, ever. I'm a pure straightedge. But since we're both not drinking tonight, why don't we stop talking about drinks and you tell me about where you want to travel?"

A slow, sheepish smile crawled across Carly's face. "You remember?" she said in disbelief. Her grin growing, she daringly decided to say, "I want to go to Laos. It's a country in Asia."

"I know," Anders told her, "it's a landlocked country, between Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Burma and China. It's great you want to go there."

Carly almost began choking on air. A human other than her knew about the country Laos? It seemed so impossible! Caught off guard, she stared up at Anders with admiration gleaming in her eyes, unaware that her mouth was hanging open. Carly was completely in love with Anders, but knowing it would have been inappropriate to say such a thing, she stood up her tiptoes and kissed him instead.

After a second, Anders pulled away. "Wait," he sounded as if he wished he hadn't had to pull back, "doesn't your friend Sam… I mean I thought with all her flirting today that she…"

"You thought that Sam liked you?" Carly finished the sentence for him, "Don't worry, she doesn't." Smiling mischievously, Carly kissed Anders again softly before adding, "I'm absolutely sure of it."

* * *

Leaning up against the wall, Sam wasn't even trying to be social. She had somehow ended up with a drink her hand that tasted like Rootbeer and rum, and although it made her cringe to drink it, she swallowed it down anyways. Sam had arrived alone, and she continued to stand alone, part of her wondering why she had decided to even show up at all. She didn't even want to talk to Carly which was why she hadn't gotten ready with her before the party as they usually did. Everything was too tense between the two of them, and Sam knew that it was because of her.

Sam had been staring at the ground for quite some time before a pair of shoes approached her. Regrettably, she looked up to see an inquisitive girl she didn't know. The girl laughed giddily and asked, "Are you Sam, like Sam from iCarly?"

"Yup," Sam muttered in response. The girl seemed to wait for Sam to say something else, perhaps a joke or humorous comment, but Sam would do no such thing. If the girl hadn't been drunk then the scene between the two of them could have been described as awkward. Instead though, the girl just laughed as if Sam _had_ said something funny, then tripped away.

Sam finished off her drink, coughing as the last sip of rum hit the back of her throat unexpectedly. As she was sputtering away, Sam noticed a familiar figure standing across the room. The burning in her throat died down, allowing Sam to narrow her eyes and make out the face of Freddie and the scene around him. He laughing lightly among people he didn't know. No drink was in his hand, but his arm was wrapped around a girl who clung onto him like she was made out of sticky tack.

_Look who decided to have some fun_, Sam arched her eyebrows in amusement. It was so unlike Freddie to ever be anything but a shadow at a party that she was considering marching over there to congratulate him. As Sam was imagining how embarrassed Freddie would have been, she suddenly saw something she wished she hadn't. Her small smiled faded. Nothing was amusing anymore.

The girl in Freddie's arms had lifted her head up and her lips landed on Freddie's chin. She then drunkenly moved around, her lips hitting his cheek, his jaw, his nose, until they finally landed on his… Sam looked away. She would have been speechless if she had had anyone to talk to. Staring at the ground carefully, Sam felt the blood in her veins run cold. Her throat tightened and the rim around her eyes began to sting.

What the hell did that mean?

"Shit," Sam muttered as she stormed away from her wallflower position, avoiding Freddie completely. "Shit, shit, shit!" Once she was sure she had lost the sight of Freddie, Sam glanced up and peered around the room as she pushed her way through the crowd. It took her a moment before she found who she was looking for, and letting out a cry of relief, she ran towards her. "Carly!" Sam began, but quickly apologized, "I'm sorry –" That was as far as she got before she found herself choking up.

Carly, who had been making out with Anders, pulled away. She did not look angry or flustered or frustrated at Sam for interrupting her, but rather just relieved to see Sam at all. Glancing over her, Carly noticed right away Sam's glassy eyes and broken expression. Turning back to Anders, she took him by the hands and said remorsefully, "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

Anders looked back and forth between Carly and Sam. "Are you sure," he asked, "is everything okay?" Carly only nodded, leaning up to kiss him goodbye before releasing his hands.

Sam was already making her way to the door, desperately trying to swallow back the rising lump in her throat. Carly approached her, linking her arm with hers in a reassuring way. When Sam tried to explain, Carly quickly cut her off. Looking straight ahead as she pulled Sam through the room, she told her softly, "Don't worry. I already know. I've figured it all it."


	8. Chapter 8

Up in her room, Carly watched as Sam walked around her room in a nervous wreck. Sam's face was stone hard, but she kept picking up objects then placing them down as if she hoped she would find some sort of answer that way. Carly was unsure how long she had been watching her after they returned to her apartment, but when she noticed her head begin to bob with exhaustion, she couldn't hold it in anymore. "Sam, stop," Carly ordered. "You need to tell me what exactly is going on."

Sam froze, hesitating before she looked at Carly. Narrowing her eyes, she said slowly, "You already told me you knew what was going on. Why do I need to explain anything?"

"Well I only know the basic idea," Carly responded coolly, warning Sam to watch her tone. After all, she could have been back with Anders at that very moment. Deciding to let it go though, Carly asked with bumps crawling across her skin, "It has to do with Freddie, doesn't it."

After pressing her lips tightly together, Sam rolled her eyes and answered, "Alright, yes, it has to do with Freddie. I caught him with some skinny bitch slung around him and he practically let her lick his face."

Carly found Sam's description doubtful of Freddie, but she was too bubbly to comment on it. She was so relieved that Sam was finally admitting all of this to her, everything that she had known all along, everything that screwing them up. "And this upset you because… because you like Freddie?" Carly had to suppress a smile. When Sam didn't respond, Carly rephrased, "Or this upset you because you've kind of been seeing Freddie?"

Sam dropped her eyes.

"Oh just admit it!" Carly cried with excitement, "You have been seeing Freddie. I already know this Sam."

"How?" Sam demanded, "Is this some word on the street or something? And was Dawn on the street when you heard it?"

"Relax, no one else knows, except for maybe Dawn. But," Carly quickly said before Sam could say anything, "I'm sure she won't tell anyone. I only know because I'm your best friend Sam, and Freddie's. If anyone were to know that something was going on between you two, I would. I've got a sixth sense when it comes to you guys."

Carly finally allowed herself to smile at Sam in attempt to loosen up the air. Finally, Sam let out a small laugh with just enough turn to her lips to be called a smile. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Carly dug deeper, "So after iCarly, Freddie would mysteriously leave and then you would follow shortly after. Would you two go out on a date or something?"

"Uh, not really," Sam's voice sounded cautious. "We'd just go to his place and, you know… hang out… and do… stuff…"

It took a moment before Carly's mouth dropped open. Sam was almost certain that Carly was choking on something until her friend suddenly squealed, "Sam Puckett? What the hell does that mean? Did you two –" she suddenly lowered her voice into a whisper. "Did you two have sex?"

It was Carly's face who turned crimson at this remark, and yet even though the question was asked to Sam, Sam stayed astonishingly calm. "No," she answered through a tiny sigh, "never that far. It was just… stuff…"

Her voice faded, and Carly was sitting eagerly at the edge of her beanbag – if that was even possible. "Well aren't you going to tell me _what_ you did exactly?" Carly inquired when Sam did not continue.

Sam's head was dropped down, long blonde hair dangling in front of her shoulders. She was picking at her nails with extreme interest, although her eyes were staring through a spot on the floor a foot ahead of her. For a second her mouth opened and Carly thought she would explain all, but Sam closed it as she felt herself go light in the head. "I can't," she apologized, "at least not yet. It's still too weird because it's Freddie. I think that's why we kept it a secret from you. We were afraid you would feel, I don't know, excluded or something."

Carly made a face. "Why would I feel excluded if you guys really liked each other?" As she spoke, Carly's words dribbled out into nothing, her eyes narrowing. "You do like Freddie, don't you? I mean you guys have admitted to each other at least once, right?"

"It's complicated," Sam began, but Carly cut her off immediately.

"Sam!" Carly cried, "Are you telling me you hooked up with Freddie numerous times a week without ever admitting to liking each other? Oh my God Sam, didn't you once think that was a little…"

"Just say it."

Carly dropped her voice to a whisper. "It's kind of slutty, isn't it?" She then slapped her hand over her mouth as if she couldn't believe the words that had left her mouth. "What exactly was going through your head?" she asked, voiced muffled by the palm of her hand. Carly didn't move her hand for fear of revealing the shocked smile on her face.

Sam winced, "I guess it was a little more extreme then friends with benefits, wasn't it?" Never had Sam been more relieved that no one else knew about her and Freddie. She had never been called a slut before, but if it had to come honestly from anyone first she was glad it was Carly.

After a moment of thought, Carly replied, "Well I guess it depends what you considered Freddie to be. So here it goes Sam, in all serious, do you love Freddie?" Sam pressed her lips together. "Fine, I'll rephrase. Do you like Freddie, and I mean _really_ like Freddie?"

Instantly, Sam began pacing back and forth. "Ugh, I don't know," she groaned. "Shit Carl, I already said it was complicated. I'm just going to admit that I don't know how I feel about Freddie, okay? I mean maybe I may have liked a little before, but then he was hooking up with some girl tonight so clearly he doesn't like me. And whatever we did before doesn't have to mean anything, right? I mean what if we just did it to prepare ourselves for when we really found someone, like an experiment or something?"

Arching an eyebrow in disbelief, Carly said mockingly, "An experiment?" What she really wanted to yell was denial – Sam was in denial! It was so clear that it made Carly was to explode with frustration, but she made herself stayed quiet. This really was up to Sam.

Sam rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. She then glanced at the clock in Carly's room, which read after midnight. "I'm going to bed," Sam said flatly as she swayed lazily and collapsed onto the bed.

Carly whined Sam's name, wishing she would snap out of it. When Sam only responded in a loud, fake snore, Carly muttered, "God, you're so immature Sam." Still on her beanbag, she crossed one leg over the other and tapped her raised foot impatiently. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Carly added, "Well whatever happens Sam, whatever you decide, you have to realize that you're going to have to talk to Freddie, and you know I'm going to make you do that tomorrow."

When Sam did not respond – not even with a fake snore – Carly rose to her feet and approached her silently. Sam was sprawled out in a star shape, face pushed flat into the mattress. Her back rose slowly with deep breaths, making Carly wonder if she really had fallen asleep. Sam had greedily taken up the whole bed, leaving no room for her friend. If it had been any other night, Carly would have shoved her over to make room, but instead she prepared herself to spend the next few hours asleep on a beanbag.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam stood in the hallway between two doors. Although her back was to the Shay's front entrance, she could feel Carly watching her through the eyehole, making sure she went through with this. Grinding her teeth, Sam let out a sigh as she knocked on Freddie's door – probably the first time in her life. When no one answered, she turned to the door Carly stood behind and shrugged in shoulders. Carly's muffled voice could be heard, telling her to try again.

"Shit," Sam muttered through her teeth as she turned back slowly. This time, she only tapped on the door once before it opened hesitantly. A falling sensation hit Sam in the stomach as Freddie greeted her coldly. He did not open the door anymore than the width of his own shoulders. Sam slapped fake grin on her face, eyebrows arched as she said, "I didn't break in this time. See, I knocked. I… I'm learning."

Briefly, Freddie's face softened as if a humorous note had hit him, but only briefly. He soon stepped to the side though, swinging the door open as he disappeared into his apartment. Sam swallowed. She almost glanced back knowing Carly would be watching her, but stopped herself. Taking a step inside, Sam closed the door. Now separated by two doors, Carly was no longer there, could no longer see anything.

Same was alone – with Freddie.

* * *

"So," Sam stood awkwardly in the doorway to Freddie's room, "how's it going?"

Surprisingly, Sam felt very much at ease as she watched Freddie. What made her uncomfortable was the fact that she didn't know if Freddie felt the same. Did he enjoy her presence or did he just want her to leave? He stared at the ground, deep in thought and killed Sam to not know what he was thinking. She wanted to tear open his mind to see if he was thinking about her or maybe the chick from last night.

Freddie looked up. "Are you only here because Carly sent you?" he asked accusingly.

A sharp, short breath of air escaped Sam's mouth as she scowled. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"What it means is that you can leave if you don't want to be here."

"Do you not want me here?"

"That's not what I said –"

"Because I actually am here for a reason," Sam burst, cutting him off as irritation grew rapidly inside of her. "I'm here because I have something to ask you. And don't try to lie because I pretty much already know the truth; I just want to hear it from you. Did you hook up with some random last night?!"

Freddie rolled his head up to the ceiling, letting out a groan. That was not what he had been expecting, but as he walked towards the window, he couldn't help but ask himself if expecting anything better would have been realistic coming from Sam. "I need some air," he told her dryly.

Sam's mouth dropped. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" she snapped, "Look at you; you're avoiding the freakin' question. What's that all about? Freddie!" She stormed across his room, but stopped the second she reached the windowsill. Reminiscences of every other time she had climbed through the window filled her, but it suddenly didn't feel right this time. She stood there, glowering at Freddie as she waited for a response.

"No, I didn't hook up with her," Freddie finally answered, his response not what Sam had been expecting. "She kissed me, kind of, but I pushed her off."

Folding her arms across her chest, Sam squinted as she thought about the night before. Part of her didn't believe Freddie. She had been so sure she had seen them make out, hadn't she? "Well why didn't you?" Sam demanded, "Why'd you push her off?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Freddie had his head tilted down, unable to meet Sam's eye. Nonetheless, a twitch of a smile played with his lips. At the sight of it, and at hearing his response, Sam suddenly felt like she was going to faint. Her mouth turned up in a lost, dreamy sort of smile, and she could have sworn her feet had floated off the ground. But then, just as she was about to climb through the window out on the fire escape, she had to come spiraling down with Freddie's next sentence.

"Not that you care," he uttered flatly, eyes deadpan as they met hers. "I know you don't give a damn Sam. This is all some game to you, isn't it? At Dawn's you told me you didn't care if people saw us - right before you tired to hide me like I was some sort of embarrassment."

"Come on Freddie –"

"And why the hell would you care if one girl kissed me? You just spent the whole day flirting with Anders as if I wasn't even there. I know you've always picked on me Sam, but that, ugh, I don't even know."

Sam's mouth hung open, actually unable to come up with the answer. She felt like a bird with a broken wing who naively decided to fly through a storm – completely helpless. Never having experienced the sensation of defenselessness before, Sam mumbled, "I didn't… I mean it was… that, t-that wasn't even r-real…"

"Real, right," Freddie shook his head in disbelief. The sun hit the side of his face, lighting up his eyes and making the frustration in them nothing but more obvious. "And what's real to you Sam? Are we –" He suddenly stopped himself, clenching his jaw before he finally decided to just ask, "Do you like me?"

_Crash_! Sam hit rock bottom. All that she had been hoping to avoid had smashed down onto her like a pile of rocks. She didn't want to breathe, didn't want to move unless it was to run out of the room. There was no way, absolutely no way; she was never going to be able to say it.

"Just give me an answer Sam," Freddie begged. "I mean, won't you just let me know already? After all of this - I just need an answer."

Sam couldn't tell if she was shaking her head or not. Her shoulders were hunched with tension. She felt her insides squirming with fear. Freddie was asking her, she had an answer, but she was never going to say it. There was no way in all of hell that she would be able to say it. And what if she did say it? What would happen then? _Do you like me?_ What kind of question was that anyways? What kind of heartless, mindless human would form four words into a sentence as futile as –

"Yes."

They both froze. Freddie frowned as if he had misheard her. "What?"

Sam wanted to ask herself that, but instead she arched one eyebrow. "Shut up, you know what I said." After a moment's pause, she added slowly, "And do you like me?"

"Yes." Freddie responded without hesitation, sounding as if he had finally released something that had been kept up inside of him for some time now.

And the two of them stood there, unsmiling but not angry either. They both felt numb, as if expecting to wake up from some dream. Neither of them met each other's eyes, unsure of what would happen if they did. When the silence grew too unbearable, Sam nodded twice before she said, "Well… have a good day."

She waited a moment before she turned slowly and took her time leaving Freddie's room, then took even longer to leave his apartment. Sam was unsure why she did this, because it wouldn't have been like Freddie to run after her or anything. She would have been surprised if he did. As Sam finally closed the door to the apartment, Freddie was still standing on the fire escape, exactly as he had been when she left.

-

**A/N – Last chapter coming up! Just so you know though, I'll be away for the weekend, so don't be surprised if nothing is up until Monday. **

_**x0**_

_**Vintage88**_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N – Last chapter! This is has been so much fun to write and I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed. There were so many from the start and all the way until the end, which I honestly wasn't unexpecting. You people are great! Thanks so much!**

* * *

No one ever went to Sam's apartment, or at least it was a rare thing to do. It was such a seldom event that when it did happen, it always just seemed unnatural. The Puckett apartment could be described as 'someone that couldn't make up their mind'. It was an odd metaphor for an apartment, but it made sense – it was made up of rooms that were so jam packed and chaotic with _stuff_ that one was a afraid to breathe in case the moving air were to knock a pile of _something_ over, as well as rooms that were so empty that it seemed like a voice could echo off the wall for several minutes before it finally faded.

Sam's room was one of the messy rooms, no surprise, of course. She had spent the rest of the day in her room, so bothered by the earlier conversation with Freddie that she had actually decided to start cleaning it in hopes of a distraction. After trying to organize the top of her desk, she began to wonder if this task would even be possible without having to move some of her junk out onto the balcony outside her room. Nibbling on the inside of her lower lip, she let out a sigh and spun around, falling back onto her bed. Sam only lay on her bed for a second before catching sight of something that wasn't supposed to be there, and sat up immediately.

Her heart skipped a beat once, but that was the extent of her excitement or uneasiness. Feeling surprisingly relaxed, she spoke slowly, dragging on her words in her usual bored tone, "He-e-e-e-ey Freddie."

Freddie gave her a small wave, stepping on a number of objects on the floor as he entered her room. "What's up?" he asked. He too seemed amazingly calm.

"Not much," she replied, "just giving up on cleaning my room. I would ask you what you're up to but it would seem that you've been breaking into my house." Sam gave him a playful, knowing look. "Now what did you say when I broke into your apartment, that it was morally wrong or something?"

"The door to your apartment was unlocked," Freddie told her with a shrug. "The door wasn't locked to begin with, so my record is still clean."

They smiled at each other, funny, lopsided, closed-lip smiles. It would have seemed more normal for Sam and Freddie to be shy with each other, jumping with discomfort under their skin after finally admitting that they liked each other and then not doing anything about it, but they weren't. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that they had done more together and been through more together than most friends had, and for the time being it just seemed as if nothing could be uncomfortable between them.

"Look, I'm just going to get this off my chest so we never have to bring it up again," Sam suddenly said with a frown. "The only reason I was flirting with Anders was because I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like you. It was just some stupid plan I had come up with."

Freddie nodded once without a word, not questioning Sam whatsoever. He didn't want Anders to be their topic of choice.

"So," Sam continued, "what are you doing here? Not that I don't enjoy your… presence or whatever," she added lamely.

"Oh, right," Freddie said. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

An uncontrollable smile spread across Sam's face. Raising her eyebrows, she leaned back on her hands and answered easily, "Well I just told someone I liked him and then he told me the same thing, but nothing happened afterwards. Pretty much, I don't know if he meant it or not." Sam grinned at him teasingly.

"He meant it," Freddie responded quickly, taking the matter just a little more seriously, as usual. "I think he just didn't act on it because he wasn't sure what you wanted."

Sam shook her finger at him in a scolding manner. "Lame answer," she told him, "because of course I didn't want anything else from him. I wasn't expecting him to change his personality and become someone else all of a sudden. I just wanted you!"

For a moment, Sam froze, caught off guard by her final words which had veered from their story. She smacked her lips closed, but was amazed at how easy it was to admit that she did want Freddie and how right it felt. Her eyes dropped to the floor and scanned the few feet between the two of them. Much too far, she decided as she rose to her feet. Sam approached Freddie, and as she stopped in front of him she could tell he didn't know what to expect. With her infamous, wicked smile, she linked her fingers with Freddie's and led him out onto her clutter-free balcony.

Without a word, Sam walked to the edge of the balcony and sat down, slipping her legs through the wide-set bars so that they hung over the ledge, over the city. She then gripped onto the bars with her hands and peered down, not meeting Freddie's eye as he sat down next to her. There was a moment before Freddie asked nervously, "Hey Sam? What… what exactly are we?"

Sam gripped the bars tighter with anticipating, smiling to herself. "Well Freddie," she told him, "not that I subscribe to labels or anything, but haven't you ever heard the term _dating, _or maybe _boyfriend girlfriend_?" She finally turned to look at him and whispered with excitement, "It sounds weird, doesn't it?"

"I like it," Freddie grinned just before Sam released the bars and leaned into him. It was just a kiss she planted onto his lips – a simple, smiling kiss without even the use of tongue - but it was hard and passionate and more real than anything else they had done in the past. Sam pulled back first, pulling her legs up to her chest and pressing her body against Freddie's as he wrapped an arm around her hips. And then, they just sat there, completely content with their silence as they stared at everything that was so far away from them.

_Why did we never do this before?_ Sam asked herself as she rested her head against Freddie's shoulder. Whenever they had sneaked off together – although apparently not so sneakily since Carly had known the whole time – it had all been so aggressive and rough between them. The whole tussling of hair, sliding up and down of hands, and unzipping of zippers suddenly seemed so serious and almost laughable to Sam. _Not that I regret it_, Sam added to her thoughts quickly, because she really had enjoyed all of it with Freddie. As a thought suddenly struck her, a mischievous smile spread slowly across her lips.

"Hey, Freddie?"

"Yeah?"

"You know the front door to my apartment that you technically didn't break into?" she asked him

Freddie smiled in confusion, but answered anyways, "Yeah…"

She bit her lower lip for a moment, containing her bliss. Then, in a soft voice foretelling their future plans and secrets, Sam whispered to Freddie, "Well just in case you wanted to know, that door is _always_ unlocked."

-

_x0_

_Vintage88_


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